To Spank or Not to Spank
Spanking is controversial and misunderstood because we don’t look to the Bible as our guide for life and because spanking is often not properly defined or correctly applied.
Before Christians object to any form of corporal punishment they need to examine the teaching of God’s Word. The Scriptures clearly permit, condone and authorize parents to use spanking as an acceptable form of discipline. To reject, forbid and condemn spanking is to not only to take away a very important child training tool from parents, but it is to claim that you are smarter, wiser and a better parent than God.
Proverbs 10:13 (ESV) On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.
Proverbs 13:24 (ESV) Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 14:3 (ESV) By the mouth of a fool comes a rod for his back, but the lips of the wise will preserve them.
Proverbs 22:15 (ESV) Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14 (ESV) Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
Proverbs 26:3 (ESV) A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the back of fools.
Proverbs 29:15 (ESV) The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
The need for spanking will vary greatly depending on the dispositional makeup of the child. Some children may need them frequently, and some rarely, if ever. My personal view of corporal punishment is that it should be an infrequent occurrence reserved for times of outright defiance, that is, when a child fully understands what he is being asked, yet refuses to yield or comply with the parents. It should never be done out of anger or when the parent who is administering the spanking is emotionally out of control, and it should be limited to the buttocks area.
There is a wide gulf between loving Christian discipline (including spanking) and child abuse. One of the best distinctions between proper discipline and child abuse that I have come across is from the book Childhood Training Tips by Reb Bradely.
Here is how he distinguished spanking (which he calls “chastisement”) from child abuse:
There is a great fear today, among some parents that spanking of children is abusive, and causes emotional harm, or may breed violence. This concern is understandable, considering how we love our children. Fortunately, Biblical chastisement bears good fruit, but unfortunately, not everyone follows God’s guidelines. Consider the differences between loving chastisement and abuse:
Chastisement is a calm, controlled spanking on the bottom.
Abuse is an angry, out-of-control beating, which may fall on the bottom or anywhere on the body. Such abusive chastisement may correct the misbehavior, but that child is not truly humbled – just terrorized into submission.
Chastisement uses a light-weight rod on the bottom.
Abuse shakes the body or pummels it with hands or any weapon.
Chastisement is a planned action of love.
Abuse is a reaction of anger. It is the venting of parental frustration, and feeds violence in children, causing them to vent their anger violently to others. (Young one raised with loving chastisement are typically the least violent among children, because they are self restrained, are not ruled by their anger, and have been trained to behave kindly toward all.)
Chastisement is done after the first offense, while the parent is still calm.
Abuse results when parents do not bring swift chastisement, but wait for the child’s continued rebellion to make the angry enough to respond. Spanking is incorrectly used if it is a last resort rather than the first response for rebellion.
Chastisement is loving and constructive.
Abuse consists of hurtful, demeaning verbal attacks, which may accompany chastisement, but are often a substitute.
Chastisement draws a parent and child together.
Abuse alienates children from their parents.
(Reb Bradley, Childhood Training Tips, 70, 71, Family Ministry Publishing, Fair Oaks, California)
Parents, remember the encouragement of this wonderful promise from God’s Word: Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. (Proverbs 29:17)
April 18, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Yet so many studies have shown that spanking is the very wrong thing to do to a child. You can take things from the OT and use them and then set aside the things you don’t want to use. If you’re going to follow the instructions of the OT you might as well follow them all, so we should stop clipping our hair at the sides and start buying kosher food.
There are many people who’ve felt like their parents were okay to spank them. I’m opposite and I felt sick and disgusted when it happened. I couldn’t do it to my children.
I think God’s interest is in our health, that’s why everything that is called “sin” is something that would be wrong for our health. So many studies have shown that spanking is bad for the child’s health so I can’t believe that God would want me to do that. I will NEVER raise a hand to my child. I’m not saying spanking is a sin, I know it works to get your child to do what you want them to do but I feel they’re then behaving for the wrong reasons.